NFB's Log Driver's Waltz

Concept: 5 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: The word is "birling".

The Long Version: There are a few things that always make me feel Canadian: American attitudes towards firearms, their Republian party, and my fond memories of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. When I was a kid in the `80's, CBC-TV would play the Log Driver's Waltz, a short film from the National Film Board, in between my saturday morning cartoons. I loved it then, and still smile when I see it today.

Watch it on the NFB's web site here.

Seeing it now – as an adult – I have a better appreciation for its opening cheekiness, and I wonder what sort of reaction it received in 1979. ('If you ask any girl … what pleases her most from her head to her toes, she'll say "I'm not sure that it's business of yours…') The now-classic animation is playful and fun, and I can't imagine any way that the latest computer technology would make it any better.

Something that would benefit from modern technology is the NFB's store; they sell their collection on DVD instead of allowing digital downloads. I'd happy buy a high-resolution digital copy even though it's streamed for free, but I just can't bring myself to pay the premium for yet another plastic disk. Instead I've had to make do with downloading just the song by Kate and Anna McGarrigle, which is good but not quite the same thing.

last updated 1 July 2011

CSI Crime Scene Tape

Concept:  5 out of 5
Execution:  2 out of 5
Yeah, but:  It's too funny not to love.

The Long Version: The MGM Grand casino has an attraction based on the popular TV show "CSI", which is the original series about armed scientists and lab technicians who are lightly assisted by the police as they solve crimes. Fittingly, the theme attraction is in the namesake city of Las Vegas, while the show is actually filmed in Los Angeles.

Penny brought this tape dispenser home for me from a weekend in Las Vegas, and it took me quite a while to stop laughing. It's a standard-issue plastic tape dispenser, except for the graphics and the tape inside. As the "Crime Scene" version of Scotch tape, it's translucent yellow with bold black text, and mostly does a very good job mimicking the real thing.

If there's one thing that CSI:TV loves, it's spin-offs and crossover episodes. In that spirit I applied the crime scene tape to a brand-new plain black Mighty Wallet, where its translucent yellow field gets toned down by the black Tyvek. It still stands out quite well, and I've been impressed by how securely the tape has adhered to the textured-plastic surface. This combination has piqued the interest of some Mighty Wallet connoisseurs who think that I have a previously-unknown design, which I suppose it is.

The only disappointment with the CSI Crime Scene Tape is that it's branded for the TV show, with the logo appearing in between each reiteration of 'crime scene do not cross'. So it won't be mistaken for the real thing, or even a small version of reality – and yet it's entertaining nonetheless. What else can I say? It's a perfectly fitting souvenir for the show.

last updated 6 mar 2011

NBC Studio Tour @ 30 Rockefeller Plaza

Concept:  2 out of 5
Execution:  1 out of 5
Yeah, but:  Spotting NBC talent is rare, but not impossible!

The Long Version: When the ticket-taker said "wait there" and waved indistinctly down a hallway that curved out of sight, I should have realized that we were in trouble. True, disinterested and unhelpful people abound in New York in general, and its service/tourist industry in particular, but I shouldn't have been so jaded that I missed the warning signs. So perhaps in some way I'm responsible for what came later, but even while standing unattended behind a rope I still didn't see it coming. What happened next was the NBC Studio Tour, and yes, the fact that I can't link into its website in a way that avoids the animated intro should be yet another warning. But it's too late now, so let's proceed.

The NBC tour at 30 Rockefeller Plaza starts with the tour group shuffling into a small auditorium to watch a promotional video. While inside, we're told of the many upcoming delights of our visit - like no bathrooms, anywhere inside the NBC complex - and are sternly admonished to turn off our cell phones. "Not vibrate, not silent, not airplane mode: OFF." There's also Strictly No Photography, because everything we're about to see is "highly copyrighted". (That's the exact phrase that appears in their FAQ web page, which I can't link to.) I wasn't aware that copyright comes in different levels, but since NBC was recently fined millions of dollars for pirating someone else's intellectual property, maybe they know what they're talking about. Or perhaps, like some other image-based companies, they think that adding a superlative to the correct term will impress people.

With fifteen minutes of our hour-long tour now past, we were marshaled into a long queue for our security screening. Blogger Bob himself would be proud of its combination of intrusiveness and unpleasantness; if anything, the TSA screeners are more friendly and personable. The studio prohibits anything that the FAA won't allow on an aircraft, so forget about bringing that toner cartridge, but they also ban children under the age of six "for security reasons." I never realized that a preschooler could actually be used as a weapon, which must have some pretty serious ramifications for Disneyland.

Once cleared through security, the next challenge was the elevators. Our sizable group used two of them, which explained the two tour guides, and this was by far the most crowded I'd felt in the entire visit to New York. On the positive side, doing head counts and trying to squeeze everyone in provided the biggest spark of genuine enthusiasm that I saw from our guides throughout the tour. I don't know if this is because there's a betting pool going on in the staff room, or if there's a precedent of people sneaking off - I wasn't inclined to ask, and both options seem plausible.

The tour doesn't follow any established route, so it's impossible to say where it goes next. As the unlinkable FAQ points out, the building is "a very active working environment", so the tour is sent to whatever area has the least likelihood of having anything interesting happening. Not surprisingly, that turned out to be the stage for Saturday Night Live. More specifically, it turned out to be the glassed-in corridor above the bleachers for the live studio audience - but at least the hall was lined with photos, so there was a chance of seeing a publicity photo of someone famous as we hustled past. This explains why that wonderful FAQ page says that "spotting NBC talent is rare but not impossible" - although I doubt that they meant it as a double entendre.

Back through the elevators again and we're rewarded by being able to look through the glass of a dimmed control room, get shown an outdated video loop about makeup for SNL, and then the tour concludes with an audience-participation exercise involving a mock broadcast and some painful moments with a teleprompter and green-screen. There's also the mandatory souvenir prom-photo moment, with prints and DVDs available for purchase at the end of the tour.

We both felt a little stunned as we walked away from the NBC Studio Experience. I was certainly thinking it, but Penny was the first to say it out loud: "Thank Gosh for the New York Pass." That's the flat-rate tourist pass that we were using to see the city, and it meant that we hadn't actually handed over $20 - each - for the tour. I still think about all of the other things we could have done with the time, but at least that's all we were burned for.

But who knows? Maybe other people loved it; maybe it's the perfect moment for someone out there somewhere. Just because it wasn't right for me, and just because I can't conceive of who would really find this tour worth its time and expense doesn't mean that it couldn't happen. If this sounds like you, then please, please, please add a comment to say so. And never let it be said that I'm not an optimist.

last updated 29 dec 2010

Kirk Gleason

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole.

The Long Version: "Kirk" is the character played by Sean Gunn on the long-running TV show "Gilmore Girls". He's clearly a good idea that occurred to the creative powers just a little bit late; his first appearance is in the second episode as a walk-on character who's installing a DSL line. At that point he's called Mick. Gunn's first appearance as Kirk is when he gets into an altercation with Miss Patty in Doose's Market, where he's working as an Assistant Manager. The conflict arises because Kirk doesn't know who Miss Patty is; later in the series Kirk has transmogrified into a life-long Stars Hollow resident who used to study in Miss Patty's dance classes.

Kirk Gleason appears in 137 out of 154 episodes, making him one of the most common minor characters. But even his important roles tend to be fleeting; Paris and the Grandparents are seen in fewer episodes but are always significant characters. Poor Kirk is never in control of the scenes he's in. Instead he spends his time filling quiet moments, adding character, providing transitions, and occasionally being a plot device, and yet somehow he manages to do every odd job in the entire town. On our last run through the seven seasons of Gilmore Girls, Penny and I kept track of his different jobs:

DSL Installer (as 'Mick')
Bird delivery (credited as 'Swan Man')
Assistant Manager at Doose's (first appearance as Kirk)
Flower Delivery
Photographer
Mechanic
Waiter
Exterminator
Video Store Cashier
Skincare product developer ("Haythere")
Waiter at Weston's Bakery
Beauty Supply Store Cashier
Hockey Announcer
Mailman
Daily Topical T-Shirts
Pizza Delivery
Mold Inspector
Skydiver (paid $20 by Taylor)
Alarm Installation, Star's Hollow Security
Custom Mailbox Salesman
Dog Walker
Pedi-cab Owner
Notary
Mailbox Store worker
Doose's Market Cashier
Wedding DJ
Firewood Delivery
Movie Theatre Worker
Handbill Distribution - "Lunch at the Dragonfly!"
Bath and Shower Adhesive Decals salesman
Twickham Souvenir Sales
Tow Truck operator
Estate ring salesman
Kirk's Doggie Daycare
Real Estate Agent Trainee
Owner, Yummy Bartenders
Owner, Kirk's Diner
Gift Wrap salesperson
Official Town Sash Maker and Presenter

This list isn't counting his roles that were probably volunteer positions, like being an historical war reenactor, playing Joseph in the Christmas pageant or being the tallest person in the children's production of Fiddler on the Roof. He also has roles in every town event or scheme that Taylor has going, so he's the one handing out maps from the Historic Star's Hollow booth, and Kirk's the one in the hi-viz vest when the red-light camera goes up. It also doesn't count his hobbies, like being the Asaad Kelada of Star's Hollow. Next time we watch the series - all seven seasons are on DVD - we'll keep at least a couple more lists.

TVTropes.com has a few opinions about Kirk as well, thinking that he fills the Village Idiot role, as well as being the one who never has anything good happen to him. They also point out that his mother is one of the 'ghost' characters who's often mentioned but never seen. (Gilmore Girls has a few of these - Lane's father, Mr. Kim, is occasionally mentioned but there's never any evidence of him, and East Side Tilly has the inside scoop on all the gossip but never makes an appearance.) His other distinction is that he may be the only character on the show who speaks at a normal speed.

Kirk is in no way a central character in the Gilmore Girls world, but he'd be missed if he went away. His inclusion in the cast is one of the better ideas that they had - and as with most things, late is better than never. If someone decides to go all Tom Stoppard on him, and creates a spin-off show in the spirit of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, I'd be all over it. There would be so much great material to work with - and he's the only one who could pull it off. Like Rory said, he was always a cat person, he just never had a cat.

Earth: The Biography: The Story of Our World

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 1 out of 5
Yeah, but: The last two hours of each disk are great.

The Long Version: This is a series that's in the same class as the BBC's Planet Earth & The Blue Planet, but with a couple of differences. Instead of looking at ecosystems or geographic regions, Earth - The Biography divides its approach into forces of nature, such as ice and volcanoes. The other difference is that it's narrated by a Scotsman, Dr. Iain Stewart, instead of the much more aloof Sir David Attenborough. Indeed, Dr. Stewart is a character in the drama that he records, giving him more of a Michael Palin style to his storytelling.

The cinematography is beautiful, the stories are compelling, and even as an owner of the Blue Planet Earth DVDs, there's information here that I hadn't heard or seen before. Sure, it took me a while to stop snickering at the host's recurring mentions of bubbling lava pools - the pronunciation seeming to drop the final 'L' - but the series is very well done. Add in the bold editorial indecision that gifted it with a subtitle and a secondary subsidiary subtitle, and there's not much not to like.

But.

Both DVD disks start with commercials for other DVDs, and they can't be skipped. For a rented movie, that would be annoying. For a DVD that I spent a not inconsiderable amount of money to purchase, specifically so that I can re-watch it at my leisure, it's completely unacceptable. I'm glad I've seen these episodes, but I wish I hadn't bought them. In fact, I wish I had taken the DVD back to the store and demanded a refund because I would argue that the disks are defective. It's rare that I say not to buy something, but in this case, don't.

The Pretender (TV Series, 1996-2000)

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: It could be a great drinking game.

The Long Version: Imagine a TV show that's a cross between McGyver and The Littlest Hobo, produced during the apogee of The X-Files, and what you get is The Pretender.

And really, the review could end right now. One sentence, and that's it.

The Pretender ran for four seasons, and for at least two of them it wasn't clear if it would be continued. Once it was cancelled, there were four movies planned to finish out the story, but only two were made. So the show has never really had a proper wrap-up, and as the viewer you should feel free to stop watching it at any time. It's never going to make more sense, loose ends are never going to be resolved. Similarly, if you want to stop reading, I'll completely understand.

"The Center" in Blue Cove, Delaware

aka the R.C. Harris water filtration plant, in Toronto, Canada

The premise of the show is that there's a phenomenally brilliant man who can learn just about any skill or ability from the meagrest of sources, and he has escaped from a sinister organization called "The Center" and is now skipping from place to place, helping people in need while trying to find his family. All the while he needs to stay ahead of a gun-toting sexy villainess and her awkward IT guy while keeping in touch with his father-figure caring psychiatrist captor. Sounds like a load of horse-pucky right off the bat, even before the conspiracies break out and characters start their not-really-dead reappearing acts in the second season.

Suspension of disbelief is an important element of The Pretender. For example, we have to accept that someone who can take on any identity he desires still can't figure out how to answer to a different first name. But the character of Jarod was actually inspired by a real person who really was able to fool many people in a diversity of careers, including performing major surgery after reading about the procedure from a textbook. The Center is a think-tank styled after a shady version of the RAND Corporation, but given what's been written down in memos recently, maybe it's not so far-fetched either.

The high point of Season 2, if not the whole series:

introducing Mr. Lyle.

All told The Pretender is a good show, but one that must be viewed in the spirit of the times. In the TV era of I Want To Believe and The Truth Is Out There, it was all about conspiracies and cover-ups done by secretive organizations. Instead of four different flavours of CSI, we had psychic profilers, Y2K, and Chronicles of the Paranormal. Having a show on the air that was about someone relentlessly doing good - even if it was by burying people alive or setting them up for vivisection - was a refreshing change. There are also ongoing touches of humour and running jokes that made for good entertainment. I've never felt that the show takes itself too seriously.

But one word of warning for people who buy or rent the DVD: marathon viewing sessions really emphasize the formula and repetitiveness of the show. Michael T. Weiss could probably beat Keanu Reeves in a fewest-expressions contest, and certain catch-phrases turn into a caricature. After all, you have watched a whole DVD in one sitting before, didn't you?

Didn't you?!

DIDN'T YOU!!!

Helvetica (Documentary)

Concept: 5 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: It's hard to evaluate. It's like being asked what you think about off-white paint. It's just there.

The Long Version: There aren't that many good typefaces, and Helvetica is one of the classics. Modern, clear, Swiss and san-serif, in the past fifty years it has become the default for signage and corporate identities. In his directorial debut, Gary Hustwit had the brilliant insight to explore the ubiquitous. The feature-length documentary Helvetica is the result.

The film's not just about typography, but explores many aspects of design and culture. It's said at one point that typography looks like it's about the letters, but that it's really about the space between the letters. "Helvetica" looks like a documentary about a font, but it's really about the design and its role and influence in culture. It's a fascinating look at something that goes unexamined every day.

One of the points that the documentary makes is the ways typefaces affect the tone of what's written. It implies an interpretation. Imagine the word "Shark" written in script or in bold block letters: the word is the same but it says something different. At the same time Helvetica is shown to be something of a chameleon. It's the font for American Airlines and American Apparel, and each company uses it to project a very different image. After watching the documentary, I start to see Helvetica everywhere, adding my own experiences and examples to the dozens of divergent uses shown in the movie.

The format of the movie is a mix of talking-head interviews interspersed with examples of designers at work and samples of popular culture, with a score that's usually understated and well-chosen. The film is 80 minutes long, with another 95 minutes of interviews included as bonus features. I'm glad that it was perpetually rented out at Queen Video because it spurred me to eventually buy my own copy. I had to laugh when I saw that the 'security seal' uses Helvetica to identify the package - the documentary literally can't get away from the influence of its subject.

Further Reading:
HelveticaFilm.com, the main web site for the documentary.
Wikipedia has pages about the documentary, the typeface, and Arial, a derivation on Helvetica that's also mentioned in the film.

Queen Video (Bloor St. Location)

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: It would be a "5" for execution if they had more of what they have in stock.

The Long Version: Small video stores are great. They've been the subjects of songs, movies, and probably even books. But it's something that many people love in theory more than in practice: those big chains with the hidden charges and twenty copies of each of their twenty movies clobber the little independents over and over again.

But it didn't work that way in Toronto's Annex neighbourhood. The crowded shelves and aisles of the neighbourhood Queen Video created a thriving, vibrant contrast to the stark airport-corridor emptiness of the Blockbuster Video that was almost directly across the street. The massive American chain store - with its video games, great lighting, and no late fees - is now gone, with its sign pulled down in an attempt to make its defeat anonymous. Soon a new grocery store is about to take over it's space; hopefully it's better than the neighbourhood Dominion, but it would be hard for it to be any worse.

But back on subject: Queen Video is the reason why I don't have cable TV.

Exploring the aisles of Queen Video is either a great pleasure or an experience in frustration and claustrophobia, depending on the time of day, my mood, and whether I'm trying to find something in particular. The most popular titles are arranged around the walls of the long narrow space in a rough approximation of the alphabet, but with no other organization. Hollywood films, foreign cinema, documentaries, and pr0n all exist happily mixed, and most of it will be rented out at any one time. There are also vast quantities of titles stacked with just their spines facing out, grouped roughly according to genre, but the alphabet is still a fuzzy concept and it's hard to know when to give up the search. I'm still not convinced that they don't have a copy of Buffalo Boy - an excellent film by a man who's a friend of my father and stepmother - but I haven't wanted to spoil the game by asking for it.

My only true frustration with Queen is that some of their titles are perpetually rented out. The documentary Helvetica really is excellent, but I had to find that out the hard way. After seeing its empty box on the shelf, I looked for it every time I went in for at least six weeks before I finally just broke down and bought a copy for myself. It took a month before the first season of Get Smart was available, and I made a dreadful mistake by not renting season two when I had the chance. (I missed it by that much.) I'm okay with the idea that a specific title that I want may not be available - something that Blockbuster offered at the expense of Queen's variety, culture, and intelligence - but sometimes I wonder if they've just lost the velcro-backed tag that indicates when something's back in stock.

Queen Video's Bloor location is open from 11am to 11pm every day of the week.