Caribbean Queen, 10 Dundas East

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: I do not have high standards.

The Long Version: This is a tough review to write, because I don't want to reveal just how often I end up getting my lunch from the food-service outlet calling itself "Caribbean Queen". Located in the food court at 10 Dundas East, it combines some of my main crucial elements: sufficient seating, fast service, and a reasonable price.

As for quality, let's not kid ourselves. It's slightly-spicy-but-otherwise-standard beige-brown food court fare that's cooked in batches and kept under heat lamps. It serves its purpose of being palatable and readily available; sometimes that's enough. There are a few decent restaurants in the area, and instead I end up here far more often than I care to admit.

But what really keeps me coming back to the Queen is their level of personal service and attention. It's completely non-existent. I spend my workday talking to people and being friendly, so it's something of a relief to be able to carry out a transaction without needing to smile. I like to think that if I were to collapse in front of them, their first concern would be how much of my order could be scraped out of the styrofoam container and put back under the heat lamps.

I order the same thing every time, and usually appear on the same day of the week – and I'm not saying how often, just that it's the same weekday – at a quiet time when there's usually only one or two people working the front. Elsewhere this would make me 'a regular'; at the Queen they have yet to anticipate my order. It's as if they've never seen me before. I hope that doesn't change, because then I'd need to find somewhere else to go for lunch.

last updated 25 may 2012

KO Burger, 366 Bloor Street West

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: It can be variable.

The Long Version: KO Burger is one of those interesting little places that doesn't quite make sense. Originally branded as Wing Shop 366, using the number of their street address – and still serving wings – from the outside they look more like a disreputable place for Bubble Tea. But there seems to be an inverse relationship between maketing slickness and the quality of the burger: McDonalds serves paper products, while KO Burger is really, really good.

It did take me quite a while to make it through the front door of KO burger, but after yet another abysmal experience at the local Lick's, I finally decided to give the independent business a try. That was on February 11, 2012. I know the exact date because it completely changed my burger-buying habits. (And because I wrote a tweet about it.) I wasn't able to bring myself to order a hamburger from anyone else for almost two months. I think the Harvey's near my work still has the "Missing" poster of me posted in the back.

In early April I finally succumbed and had a hamburger somewhere else, but it only because I was 450 kilometers away. Let me tell you, it wasn't the same.

One of the best things about KO Burger is that they use buns from the Cobb's Bakery that's literally right next door. That's about as good as it gets. The french fries ("freedom fries" for my American friends) are good, but like most, they don't travel particularly well. The hamburger patties are exceptional, and include the options for veggie and lamb-burgers as well. I usually go with their 9oz beef patty with back bacon and cheddar, and while tax brings the total to over $10, it's absolutely worth it.

The only way I could see KO Burger being better is if they offered Peameal bacon. That was what won me over at Gateway Storage and Marine, which remains the best burger that I've ever had. In case anyone's keeping score, it's also an even more unlikely-looking place to find great food than KO Burger is. Take that, McDonalds.

last updated 4 may 2012

Panera Bread, Yonge Street Location

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: My very first Review By Proxy.

The Long Version: I've never eaten at the new Panera Bread location on Yonge street at Edward, and based on what I've heard from other people, I never will. Despite only being open for one week, I've had four of my co-workers spontaneously start to rave about it, and I hear people talking excitedly about it on the street.

Panera, or so I'm told, serves excellent soups and sandwiches. The prices are not quite cheap, but they're not out of line compared to other quick-service restaurants in the area, including the ones that don't leave people misty-eyed at the mention of a "bread bowl". This is exactly the sort of thing that I love, which is why I am never, ever going inside.

A wise man once said: "I've bought crack cocaine three days in a row. I'm starting to worry that I'm a shopaholic."

I'm fighting mightily against a similar shopping issue.

This blog doesn't use the star rating the way Amazon or similar clod-source sites do. Here an average score is only a modest 2/5, which is still a positive recommendation; Panera's basic concept of soup and sandwiches is good but so well established that even donut stores do it. But when I start my unsolicited raving that means a rating of a solid four out of five, which is an exceptional score. Given how many people have been telling me about Panera I had to consider a perfect 5/5 on their execution, but I just can't go that high without trying it for myself.

Which will never happen.

Sorry.

last updated 26 jan 2012

Kelloggs Vector

Concept: 5 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: This isn't a review, it's a Marketing Replacement.

The Long Version: I fell in love with Kelloggs Vector the very first time I heard an ad for it. "It's not a cereal, it's a meal replacement."

A meal replacement that you eat from a bowl, with a spoon, in milk.

A replacement for breakfast, perhaps?

Penny recently brought home a couple of free sample boxes from a fitness expo she went to. I was thrilled to see that they're still sticking with the "Meal Replacement" marketing efforts, printing that audacious slogan right on top of the photo showing cereal-like flakes in a bowl with milk. Awesome.

So after all these years of my adoration of this product, I've finally been able to actually eat some. In the morning. Instead of breakfast. And you know what? It tasted a lot like cereal.

last updated 26 aug 2011

The Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookie Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwiches

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: Why was I surprised?

The Long Version: The "President's Choice" brand is one of the major successes of marketing. Dave Nichol made himself a household name and completely changed the perception of store-brand food, something that many companies have tried since but without being able to match Loblaw's resounding success. "PC" products now dominate their shelves, giving them both a huge differentiator and a major advantage when it comes to selecting the competitor's brands that they allow on their shelves.

PC products remain the only reason why I go out of my neighbourhood to reach a Loblaw supermarket. Their "Memories of" line has some excellent sauces and marinades, the the Memories of Montego Bay is my favourite Jerk sauce. (It's a pity that the mild version, "Vague Memories of Montego Bay", is no longer around.) And with the striking exception of the Chocolate Black Cherry Cola, I can't say that I've ever been disappointed by something that they put their name on.

But the cookies – ah, those cookies.

Calling a cookie "The Decadent Chocolate Chip" seems a little overblown, but they are good. One of the signature products of the President's Choice line, they've been around for a very long time. When Penny saw that there's a new ice cream sandwich version, they joined the list for our upcoming Canada Day party, where they'll socialize with dozens of PC hamburgers, chicken breasts, and a handful of tubs of President's Choice ice cream in interesting flavours. Good times.

But not all of the Decadent Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Sandwiches are making it to the party. I don't know why I was expecting something else, but these little 100mL sandwiches are two of the actual chocolate chip cookies, each facing out, with a thick slab of vanilla ice cream between them. The ice cream is good, too: it's a hard combination to get wrong, and they didn't.

There's a chocolate chunk cookie version with chocolate ice cream, as well – something else that may not make it to the party.

last updated 26 June 2011

Rowe Farms (Annex location)

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: It's mainly because of the meat.

The Long Version: Rowe Farms is something of a contemporary butcher's shop, and reflects a move toward specialty retailing that targets customers who are seeking locally sourced and/or organic meats and produce. The Annex location at 468 Bloor West is a fairly new store, and it's a good fit in an area that already has a high concentration of health(y)-food stores. It replaces an organic fruit and vegetable seller that wasn't quite so successful, though, so nothing is guaranteed.

I've been a supermarket shopper all of my life, and there's nothing I like more than the "Freezer" section – growing up in the suburbs will do that to you. But Penny is more likely to shop at the specialty stores, such as Yorkville's Whole Foods, so when Rowe moved into the neighbourhood she was there to give it a try. She brought home some ground beef to make chili with, and even with all of the competing flavours and ingredients, the difference in quality and taste was inescapable.

I'm a little embarrassed now to admit that I used to just buy boxes of frozen steaks. They were convenient, I could get two month's worth at a time, and they were just as good as the unfrozen stuff at the local grocery store. I just didn't realize how low those standards are. I spend a bit more now – although see my two-year update below – but even without bringing in the personal issues of natural and/or local food, it tastes much better.

The big grocery stores are the prototype "Big Box" retailers – acres of parking lots spanning the suburbs to support massive stores that people go to because they have everything. But success in one extreme often creates a vacuum elsewhere, and Rowe Farms has local stores that really are worth an extra stop.

Updated two years later: Never ones to leave a new market uncontested once others have proved that it's viable, the big grocery stores in my area are now offering various meats that are intended to compete with the quality from specialty shops like Rowe Farms. This comes in various guises – free range, traditionally raised, hormone-free, homeschooled, and so on – and they're priced at a premium that makes Rowes' quite competitive. The product itself, however, simply isn't up to the same standard; it actually makes me a little sad to see what's being passed off these days. Rowe Farms remains my store of choice for evert product that they carry.

last updated 13 june 2013

Wendy's "Natural" Fries

Concept:  2 out of 5
Execution:  1 out of 5
Yeah, but:  Even I can't believe I'm reviewing a potato.


The Long Version: Fast-food burger restaurant Wendy's launched their New And Improved french fries almost a month ago in Canada. For those who aren't familiar with them, French Fries (aka "Freedom Fries" for my American readers) are narrow strips of a nutritionally deficient beige root vegetable that has been turned into candy by cooking it in one of the least healthy ways possible. So right off the bat, Wendy's efforts to attach connotations of wholesomeness by calling their new product "natural" is problematic at best.

So what's the difference between "natural" fries and the ones that they've served for the previous four decades? They're not peeled, and they use sea salt. Exciting times.

Wendy's previous favourite foodlike meal-filler were unremarkable but inoffensive; the new product has neither virtue. Thinner and stringy, they look like a 'grunge' version of the ones from McDonald's that go stone cold in the time it takes to eat a McNugget. The vaunted sea salt still has the same sandy table-salt texture, and there's far, far too much of it. A single 'medium' serving now contains one third of the RDA for sodium, up from a mere 23% for the old version.

From information gathered from their respective nutritional information web pages:

• Mcdonald's fries per 100g - 319 calories, 15g fat, 239mg sodium.
• Wendy's fries per 100g - 295 calories, 14g fat, 352mg sodium.

While french/freedom fries are never going to be healthy, Wendy's has moved in exactly the wrong direction on this. But even beyond the whole "real" and "natural" marketing spin, which is almost too absurd to be insulting, the results are bad. After three unsuccessful attempts to like them, I'm now actively avoiding Wendy's fries. Fortunately there are other foodlike fillers on their menu, but so far my solution has simply been to go elsewhere for lunch.

What can I say? For me, this is the straw that broke the Frosty's™ back.

last updated 6 dec 2010

Chipotlé Mexican Grill

Custom designed artwork by Mayatek, Inc, at a local Chipotlé
(South Kirkman and Metrowest Blvd location)

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: Mine is better than yours.
The Long Version: There are times when a body just has to have a heaping helping of carbs, salt, protean, and fats, and they want it Now. And then there are times when you want all of that, but with a bit more class than the typical burger joint. If you're in that kind of mood, then there is no better place to sate that hunger than at a Chipotlé Mexican Grill.

Chipotlé Mexican Grills are all over Orlando (and in other civilized areas, including two locations in Toronto). They're quite distinctive with their brown or gray industrial metal signage and the distictive Chipotlé name prominently displayed.

Typical exterior, oxidized bare metal Industrial Mayan.
(University Blvd location)

Once inside, you're presented with what can be best described as Mayatek decorations; bare concrete floors, lots of bare corrugated metal on vertical surfaces, and shellacked laminated plywood over all the horizontal surfaces. It gives each store a distinctive ambiance for the masses, one that certainly sets it apart from the look-alike burger joints, especially the hideous McDonalds near major tourist attractions.

One unexpected consequence of going into these stores for me (and probably one of the odder reasons I'm attracted) is the extensive use of all that sanded and shellacked laminated plywood. That type of wood, for whatever reason, was a big do-it-yourself raw material in the1950s and early 1960s. I know this, because my dad used it, and it was used extensively in an Atlanta suburban nursery I used to attend when I was but a wee tot. The nursery used it because it was cheap and damn near indestructible, even around little munchkins like me. They would cut it with round corners, sand down and round the edges, then shellac the wood with enough coats to withstand any spill, drool, or disgusting little stain you could imagine. I suspect that if the place is still in business that it's all still there.

Busy counter workers.
(South Kirkman and Metrowest Bvld location)

Once inside you place your order at an efficient, assembly line-style counter. Everything you can order, along with pricing, is prominently displayed across the top. There aren't that many major items, and certainly not that many combinations. But what is available is all very good, at least according to my unsophisticated palette. Everything that's hot (cooked) is constantly made fresh; all the rice, beans, and green peppers are cooked in the back with the grills, and all the meats are grilled. According to Chipotlé's main web site, they work to provide as much organic food as possible, and work to include locally grown produce, such as the tomatoes used in the salsa. They refer to this as "Food With Integrity".

My typical meal, a chicken burrito bowl with Chipotlé Tobasco sauce.
(University Blvd location)

While I believe everything is good to eat, my regular meal is a chicken burrito bowl with rice and black beans, grilled bell peppers with onions, mild salsa, corn salsa, and a little sprinkle of cheese. I try to make it healthy and save about 200 calories by not getting a regular burrito with a tortilla, as well as leaving off the sour cream and guacamole. Besides, the burrito bowl is the best deal in the house, giving more burrito contents than a regular wrapped burrito. That huge bowl full of food with a regular ice tea (unsweetened) sets me back one penny less than $8.

Chipotlé might not be clase alta for some, but for me it fits quite well into a busy schedule and a need to avoid the all-to-typical American-style fried fast food. The only other fast casual dining eatery worth eating at (when I'm not eating leftovers for lunch) is Greens and Grille (which I hope to review soon as well). Chipotlé Mexican Grill might not be the cheapest, but unfortunately in this country good healthy food costs a little more. For me, though, it's well worth it.

Burrito Bandidos - Bloor Street Location

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 2 out of 5
Yeah, but: Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

The Long Version: I'll start this review backwards - the biggest problem with Burrito Bandidos is that the ordering can be hit-or-miss. In the interest of speed, they like to ask for all of the information up front, and as a customer, I'm asked to tell them what I don't want on each burrito. Ordering one is easy enough, but the error rate for my typical two-burrito order can be as high as 20% - about one out of every five has something wrong with it. They're far from being as challenged as Hero Burger, where I no longer think it's worth the effort of getting food, but if Burrito Bandidos can boost their accuracy I'd easily give them a '3' for Execution, and even consider a score of '4'. That's almost stratospheric around here, but they certainly have that potential.

It's hard to break the $10 barrier with a burrito and a beverage, and the quality is very good. The steak uses real steak, and I've never stood there and thought 'I hope they don't use that tomato…' the way I can with some of the submarine sandwich shops in the neighbourhood. I used to go to the original location on Peter Street, back when it was still operating under the inferior Burrito Boyz name, and I think the Burrito Bandidos' Annex location does a better job. Aside from the occasional random ingredient, or random lack of an ingredient, I have no complaints. They've become my preferred replacement for Cora's Pizza, and I usually end up with a burrito about once a week.

The Annex location has a deceptive address. Officially at 362 Bloor Street West, it faces onto Walmer Road and is at the far end of the building, so you'll never find it by walking along Bloor. It's just across the street and a little south of the Walmer Road exit from Spadina Station, which in turn is behind the Shopper's Drug Mart. It's easy enough to find if you know where to look, and it's one of those places that will always get repeat visits.

Pizza Pizza (Bloor and Spadina)

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 2 out of 5
Yeah, but: It's safe and unsurprising.

The Long Version: Pizza Pizza is the McDonald's of the flat-meal world. It's predictable, it's consistent, and it's not exactly famous for its fine cuisine. It was a staple of my high-school nutrition plan, but once I finished grade fourteen, we drifted apart. I started ordering entire pizzas, and almost always from other restaurants. It wasn't a conscious snub; more of a life change. But during Toronto's one recent attempt at winter storm, the intersection of Spadina and Harbord was just too far to walk, so I hit the Pizza Pizza at Bloor and Spadina instead.

I got the 'all meat' pizza slice, since it was the one with the least-glassy cheese and didn't have curled edges. I was surprised - it was slightly cheaper than I expected, much smaller than I was used to, and not very good. In the interest of fairness, I went back a second time for the gold standard of pizza takeout, the pepperoni slice. I wasn't overly impressed with it, either.

Pizza Pizza uses cute little trays for its slices, while the two at Harbord use paper plates. Just for fun, I put a slice from Papa Ceo's on top of the Pizza Pizza tray - the red shows the part of the pizza that you don't get from the chain store. The one big thing that Pizza Pizza does have going for it is that it has a great track record on the City of Toronto's Dinesafe website. Papa Ceo doesn't have a spotless record, and the whole rat carcass thing has put me off of Cora's for a while. Pizza Pizza is nothing to get too excited about, but that works both ways and isn't always a bad thing. After all, if I wanted really good pizza, I'd be calling Regina's anyway.

Gandhi Indian Cuisine, Toronto

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: Take a half-day from work. You'll need it.

The Long Version: Gandhi is one of the gems of Toronto - unquestionably the best roti in Toronto, I've been getting the same thing from them at least once a month for the last fifteen years. Chicken roti, usually medium (spicy); once or twice a year, I'll mix it up and get a medium chicken curry on rice. (On my first visit I ordered the beef roti, but it wasn't very good and has been dropped from the menu.) But that's a reflection on my taste, not a limitation of their culinary skills: the mixed vegetable roti, cauliflower roti, and chicken jalfrizi roti are all endorsed by people I've brought there, and I've been told by several authorities on lamb curries that theirs is one of the best. I don't doubt it, but lamb has never been my thing.

One unusual thing about Gandhi is that it's an East-Indian roti shop, so it's very different from the Caribbean roti that is much more common in Toronto. Unless you order the Channa, there's not a trace of chick peas to be found. Instead, potatoes are the other ingredient, and they're a great vehicle for the curries. The different dishes also have different curries, so it is worth trying different things, even though I've never managed to veer away from my favourite. Be warned, though, that this is not McDonalds, and there's some variety no matter what you do. Some days the Medium spiciness is nothing remarkable, other days it's so hot I can't eat it all in one sitting. Not that that's a bad thing, since the portion size is huge. Getting roti is the sign of a one-meal day.

Gandhi is at 554 Queen Street West, on the north side just east of Bathurst. It's worth ordering ahead of time if it's likely to be busy - like during daylight, or in the evening - since the waiting time for a friday lunch can be over an hour. Call them at 416-504-8155; if nothing else, it's a great way to skip the crush of people trying to get to the counter or fighting for one of the four tables. Their menu can be found on their website by either following the link to the menu or their chief's daily specials - they both go to the same page. They're open from 11:30 to 10pm.

It's also worth mentioning that Gandhi is closed on the weekends. That's either a sign that they're ridiculously successful, or that one of their chiefs is on an extended vacation. I suspect that those are both true; they've done this before. Regardless of the hassle of getting their food, it's absolutely worth it.

Cheeseburger, Gateway Marine & Storage, Killarney, Ontario

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 5 out of 5
Yeah, but: Far, far better than it looks.

The Long Version: It's a small town thing, I'm sure - next to the boat launch in Killarney, Ontario, is Gateway Marine & Storage, which is also a restaurant and a bakery. It's on Channel street, in the heart of the downtown core: not only are there plenty of boat slips nearby, there's also the local LCBO and the best fish & chips truck in town. Gateway certainly has the authentic small-town charm, with cheeky signs on the wall and fairly basic fixtures. It also serves the best cheeseburger that I've ever had.

The hamburger patties are home-made, and it's served with cheese and a slice of peameal bacon. The buns are also fresh - it is a bakery, after all - and make a huge difference. For $7, it doesn't include french fries, but in the interest of a well-rounded diet I spent the little bit extra. They're from a package, but the way they're cooked makes them remarkable as well. Granted, it was after 3pm, and I'd spent the morning tromping through the woods after a moderate breakfast, so I was pretty hungry. It's still the best meal I've had in ages.

The next day I took a gamble - I came back and had another cheeseburger. It was a risky move because if it didn't live up to my memory, it wouldn't just be disappointing, it would retroactively diminish the burger that I'd already had. But I worried for nothing, and the second one that was prepared during the lunch rush with only limited electricity was just as good as the first. The three friends that I was with had caught my enthusiasm and also had the cheeseburger, and none of them were disappointed. Other people that I heard from raved about the strawberry-rhubarb pie, sticky buns, and garlic bread.

The next time I'm in Killarney, if the bakery at Gateway Marine is closed, I just won't eat.

Dark Chocolate M&M's

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 3 out of 5
Yeah, but: They may be the perfect food.

The Long Version: M&M's have been around for almost seventy years, but the dark chocolate version is an upstart that's only been around a few years. Wikipedia has everything I'll ever want to know about it, and then some - apparently these ones were introduced with a tie-in to Revenge of the Sith. I'm trying not to let that bother me.

The dark chocolate won't win any prizes, but it's good and the candy stops it from being too strong. I usually like dark chocolate because its strength means I don't each as much, but I can go through a pack of these in an easy evening. That also makes it really easy to not get much sleep that night. But for early morning photo excursions, they're an essential part of my kit.

Writing a conclusion for M&M's seems odd, even to me. They have all of the good points of M&M's, and dark chocolate is never a bad thing. They're not a radical innovation, but they're good. About the only negative is that they're slightly more expensive because there's slightly less in each package. All told, not bad.

Godiva Chocoiste

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: How can I rate something I can't pronounce?

The Long Version: I've liked orange chocolate since my father would bring home Terry's from his trips to England. Dark chocolate is a more recently acquired taste, and not one that everyone shares, but I prefer it because I find I can eat less of it and still be quite happy. So when Penny found these, she naturally thought of me, and brought home a little tin of these chocolates.

The dark chocolate is quite mild, and the orange is really nicely balanced. They're very good; I managed to make the little 43 gram tin last over a week. The small tin actually isn't much more expensive than a 230g bag of dark chocolate M&M's, so while they're definitely indulgent, they don't need to wait for an annual occasion.

I did spend a bit of time trying to find out what, exactly, chocoiste means. The closest I came to finding an answer was that she's a flight attendant who loves to travel, work out, and can sit for hours watching movies. Godiva's website is here.

Mars Pods

Concept: 4 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: Ingeniously crunchy, diabolically limited distribution.

The Not Very Long Version: These things are awesome. They're probably my favourite candy/chocolate, combining a cookie shell with various fillings made by Mars. There's a few different varieties, with the Twix being my personal pick, but they're all good. And unfortunately they're all only available in Australia and New Zealand, or at very high prices (plus shipping) through the magic of the internet.

Oh, well.

Frisk Mints

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: There's no cinnamon.

The Long Version: Almost twenty years ago I was introduced to Frisk mini-mints by a mutual friend. It was the Eucalyptus flavour. He got me to try them by recounting his own first time: "I thought they were like Tic-Tacs, popped five of them, and nearly passed out." They're that strong.

Frisk mints come in these little containers that are reminiscent of getting pills from a Pez dispenser. The mints are very small - more like the cross-section of a tic-tac than anything else - so the container is also nice and petite. It fits easily in a pocket, meaning that they're easy to carry and easy to pop. At 40 mints and about $3 (with tax) per pack it's not a cheap habit, but it beats smoking in just about every way. 

Eucalyptus (top in photo) was my first introduction to these mints, and it's strong enough to water the eyes of the uninitiated. Take them one at a time. The more typical mint flavour that I've tried (either Spear or Winter, I can't tell the difference) is much more mild and doesn't have the sinus-clearing power of the koala-bait. There's also the extra-strong 'Black' (second in photo), which is close to Eucalyptus in potency but not as striking. But the real hidden gem of the line is the Orange flavour, which is exactly what I remember Children's Chewable Aspirin tasting like. Since I'm in a perpetual quest to recapture the happiest parts of my childhood, this is a real win for me.

Regina's Pizza

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 4 out of 5
Yeah, but: Great pizza. They deliver.

The Long Version: Pizza is usually fast food, but it doesn't have to be. Sometimes it can take half an hour, or maybe a little more, and sometimes it isn't $4 for a dinner-sized slice. In short, not all pizza needs to come from Cora's. There's also Regina's.

I've never actually been inside of their restaurant on College street, but it looks very nice, with real tablecloths. Instead, I was introduced to the food years ago by a very Italian co-worker who would get a pizza delivered every month or two. It's not cheap, but it's worth it and a large can feed three or four, or be stretched to a second meal. The sauce is awesome, there's plenty of cheese, and it's cooked perfectly. Penny and I get it with roasted red peppers and grilled chicken - maybe not traditional, but very nice.

McDonalds

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 2 out of 5
Yeah, but: McDonalds is what the "solid average" rating was designed for.

The Long Version: Reviewing McDonalds for food quality is somewhat like running on a greasy floor: the results are likely to be unsurprising and possibly hazardous. Food-wise, McDonalds is about as unremarkable as it is consistent. In fact, it's consistency is about the only thing that's remarkable about it. It tastes the same across North America, and Australian McDonald's held no surprises for me except for the "McCafe" additions. It tastes about the same as what I got used to before I knew what I was eating, and I never expect to be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised by what I'm served.

As people who have read my "Columbus in America" review will know, I often use Google to check what the rest of the world is thinking. For this review I did an exact-match search of the phrase "McDonalds food tastes great". Usually results are in the thousands or millions: this time I got FIVE. Not million, not thousand, just plain old five. And two separate results were doubled, including one which says that Burger King is better. So all over the world, I'm only the fourth person to write that "McDonalds food tastes great", despite 'great taste' being part of their advertising taglines between 1984 and 1990.

click for a larger image

So the food's not great, but that's probably not a big revelation, so that's the end of my attention to that particular low-hanging piñata. The fact is that the quality of the food really doesn't matter. It's a solid, dependably average performance from an organization that's never expected to do any better and rarely disappoints. And really, that's not so bad.


Postscript: From a McDonalds website: "Crew members represent virtually every age group, and almost every reason for working. ... Across the world, more than one million people choose to work at McDonald's every day." Is it just me, or does that sound a little defensive?

OPA! Souvlaki, Toronto Life Square

Concept: 3 out of 5
Execution: 2 out of 5
Yeah, but: Diversity is great, but it's getting less remarkable.

The Long Version: Toronto's one of those places in the world that lets you get anything you want from any place in the world. There's quite a large and vibrant greek community here, and the annual Greek neighbourhood festival brings out over a million visitors over the course of a long weekend. That puts it in the same realm as Pride Week and Caribana, just without the fabulous outfits.

So Toronto is no stranger to Greek food, and as a result the standards are pretty high for a fast-food chain. I have to say that the Opa! location in the local Food Court didn't disappoint me. No, it's not the best that I've ever had, but it's considerably closer to Greek food than McDonald's is to Hamburgers or Pizza Pizza is to, well, take a guess. Even better, it's a friendly and sociable little shop. They even go so far as to provide pitchers of ice water—free!—to their customers. Updated October: This is a thing of the past, so bring your own beverage.

Service is prompt, and the cooking is done fairly quickly. It's possible to actually get cooked food and still have time to eat it. The location that I visit is fairly new, so the staff has some foibles, but it comes across as endearing rather than irritating.

I'm one of those people who says "yes" to the question of Fries With That? But the reality is that most of the time they aren't very good, but these ones worth having. As a result, I've had almost the same thing all three times I've ordered from Opa!, with the only variation being alternating between chicken and pork. But Penny tells me that their salad is also very good, and I have no trouble believing her.

Food Court, Toronto Life Square

Concept: 2 out of 5
Execution: 2 out of 5
Yeah, but: It's the second-best in the area.

The Long Version: This isn't a review of Toronto Life Square itself, which its patron, Toronto Life magazine, called "Suburban Brutalism" and "one of North America’s largest series of billboards". The food court – take-out restaurants with a common cafeteria-style 'dining' area – on the third floor is all I'm concerned with right now.

The decor of the building is an interesting take on industrial-institutional minimalism. There's some effort to keep it as a flexible and open space, with most tables being bolted down contrasting with a section that's able to be re-arranged. The mechanical systems are left exposed, and about the only true decor is the patterning on the floor. The whole feeling is that the design choices were based on what will best endure the riot, but perhaps that's because of it's similarities to the design of the food court at the Scarborough Town Centre - before the renovations.

Even after being there many times, I still can't quite make sense of the map. My impression is that it's very generous in its perception of space; the walkway between the two escalators is so narrow that when it gets busy - if it gets busy - there's bound to be problems with people waiting for food and people passing through. Both groups can get impatient and grumpy, so this doesn't seem like a great mix. It won't help that the escalator down is so hard to find that they've used decals on the floor to show the way to it, and now a large banner hangs over it. The overall result is an odd mix of open space and claustrophobia.

Even at its peak, I've never seen the food court more than half-full. I've never had a problem finding a table, and there's never much of a line for food. Yet somehow the volume level during the lunch rush is always at a dull roar. I've measured it as between 76 and 79 decibels over the course of about half an hour, and the spot that I took the readings from is where the yellow paper is on the nearest table in the photo above. According to those arbitrary and imprecise charts that float around, this is something like eating lunch next to a running vacuum cleaner or dishwasher. Ordering food is difficult, and conversation is a challenge. It makes spending time in the area unpleasant, even more than the uncomfortable furniture does. Even when the food court is deserted, the mechanical systems are a strong addition to the ambiance of the area. I suppose sound-absorbing treatments wouldn't endure a riot.


Updated December 2008: Since I wrote this review, the food court has become more popular, and they've had less need to run the A/C on full blast. So it's now less noisy in the off-time, and a little more crowded during the peak times. And as the days have gotten shorter, I've gained a new appreciation for the little area that has extra lighting. It's either set up as a study area for students from Ryerson, or as a way to discourage non-studying teenagers from loitering where they're secluded. Either way, it's a nice touch that I appreciate, and I've bumped the execution rating up to a solid average to reflect that.

I've also had a chance to sample more of the cuisine; Subway is good but usually too crowded, Opa has become less of a personal favourite, California Thai is a favourite for myself and my co-workers (try the Ho Fun and/or green curry), and Caribbean Queen is also decent. Look for more reviews in the future.

Updated Again, January 2013: Four years later this food court has become quite popular, and there are times when I need to circle around to find a seat. Part of its activity is because of the university that surrounds it on two sides; it's not uncommon to see students camped out for what must be hours at a time. Still, I do prefer this capacity reduction to having security guards patrolling to evict loiterers.

I've added an audio recording of the lunch-time ambiance to my sound blog: Robertson Sound - Food Court.